Happy Friday Bitches.

Typically - I'm not one to plagiarize. However, I couldn't have said it better myself. Ladies and gentlemen - I give you Michael K's analysis of the shit show that is Tatiana Del Toro and how she makes the baby Jesus weep into his coffee mug of gin every morning.

American Idol: Tatiana Del Toro Makes It Into Top 36
by TheDlisted

When American Idol started this year, I was wondering who would fill Kristy Lee Cook's devil's hooves as the object of my rage. I'm pleased to say that the spot has been filled by shrieking jackal Tatiana Del Toro who will face America's firing squad next week when she sings. And I've got my rifle fucking loaded and ready to go.

I don't really need to go into all the reasons why Tatiana makes me want to shove a mini-hot curling iron in my ear and open it. Just watch the clip above and everything will become clear to you. You'll wish you could give your ears an acid enema. And if you can't watch the whole clip, just to skip to the end and look at the faces of everyone around her. They are wishing for that acid ear enema too.

Tatiana isn't a bad singer, it's just everything else! When she laughs, garage doors go flying, cars combust and dogs run into traffic. Bitch sounds like a hyena on helium getting DPed.

It's like her laugh is taunting me to punch her in the mouth. Everyone else is hearing "Ahahahahahahaha," but I hear "Slap me, bitch! Slap me!" I bet the people in her family have already lost the feeling in their hands from sitting on them so much to keep from whacking her ass.

That said, I hate her so much that I think I love her. When she explodes into a cloud of laughing gas after she gets the boot (which will happen), it will be bittersweet for me. I mean, who else will make me angrily write stfu" on my TV screen using the blood from my bleeding ears?

Thanks Dlisted!

When you look into the Devil's eyes - this is what you'll see.

I knew this bitch was bad news.

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Prop 8 - An irritating reminder of how effed up Cali's priorities are.

Please help spread awareness for how the US, specifically California in this case, is blatantly discriminating against an entire class of people.

I have never understood the argument against gay marriage - and I challenge anyone to give me a valid, rational reason to make it unconstitutional WITHOUT making ANY reference to God or the bible.

Your move, repressed, religious zealots.

Please be sure to sign the petition - found here: http://www.couragecampaign.org/page/s/divorce.


"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

Happy Friday! Well - not for Steven...

*Photo from http://failblog.org/

This is why Al Gore invented the Interwebs.

I can't stop - my new mission in life is to cornify every website I come across. This is what I did to CNN. Click here to start experience the joy that is sweeping the Internet.

Asshat of the Day.

I was in a reasonably good mood when I was driving to work this morning - it was kind of sunny, traffic was ok and I was on time. All-in-all, a successful morning.

While I was on 405 - I was trying to get around an annoying Jack in the Box semi. While doing so - I caught a glimpse of the advertisement on side of the truck - and couldn't help but whip out my cell phone and take a picture.

Seriously?! Yes - all the girls in America would gladly turn down a diamond in exchange for some shit-tastic salad from a fast food chain. A salad, I might add, that likely has more calories in it than your cheeseburger meal. WTF kind of ad campaign is this? It's about as preposterous as your significant other coming home with a chicken club salad from Jack in the Box instead of diamond earrings for Valentine's Day. That would go over well.

Pony up ladies - Jack knows what you really want.

someecard of the Week!

New Pitch for VH1 - Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, Minors Edition!

Now that the world is going to shit - we could all use the number of this kid's dentist. Despite the momentary, drug-induced rage, it seems young David is walking on sunshine. If we could all only be so lucky...

Happy Wednesday hussies!

Enjoy your Quadruple Bypass!

A few weeks ago, my coworker sent me this mind-boggling post from Geekologie about the "Bacon Explosion." As proof that I can't make shit like this up - see the original post here.

Now - after I got over the fact that Satan probably eats this as an appetizer before he downs a whole cow and a gallon of gin every evening - I more or less forgot about the 5,000-calorie meat log.

Until I went to my cousin's to watch the UFC fight on Saturday. Imagine my surprise when M & J roll in with their own hypertension-inducing version of the Bacon Explosion shit show.

Pros - I hear it was delicious (no - I did not try it because I *heart* life).
Cons - I could actually hear life-spans shortening...

I've included a picture, taken from my cell phone, as Exhibit A that the Atkins revolution lives on!

BTW - if you're wondering what Satan eats while he's waiting for his meat log to cook, check with Paula Deen. That bitch makes his favorite light bite!